How to protect my child's best interest
Remember...
Both parents need to agree that children have the right to be protected from as much of the pain of their conflict as possible.
Speaking to your child about your decision to separate
Speaking to your children about your decision to separate is one of the most difficult conversations you may ever have to face. Joan will assist you by ensuring you are fully informed about the do’s and don’ts. She will help you to write and rehearse what is specifically, the most important to you, for your children to hear.
If possible, the children would benefit hearing from both of their parents.
Tell them at a time when you know you are both going to be available so that you can answer any questions that the kids may have as they arise, things that directly impact the children’s daily lives.
They need to know that the decision to separate in not their fault.
That you, their parents, will continue to love them and will still be a family albeit living in separate homes.
Tell the children all that will remain the same and those things that will be different.
Only answer questions that the kids ask to have answered; don’t over share your adult reasons for the separation.
Validate their feelings whatever they are and acknowledge without imposing on the children, your feelings as well.
Don't badmouth the other parent.
Please don't speak disparagingly of your child's other parent or allow anyone else to do so in his or her presence as you are causing the child undue pain and confusion; they are the embodiment of both of you.
Instead, strive to be supportive of each other and of the other adults in the children’s lives despite differences they may have in views, beliefs, tastes and lifestyles.
Don't put your children in the middle of your conflict(s)
This includes (but not limited to):
Don't ask the children to keep secrets from the other parent.
Respect the privacy of the other and don't question the children about the other parent's life.
Agree not to use the children as messengers.
Don’t ask the children to choose between you knowing they have a right to give and receive love from each of their parents.
Don't fight with the other parent, especially not in front of the children
Agree that decisions and discussions regarding the children will not be made with them present or in hearing distance until both parents have agreed on the outcome of any discussions.
Please understand that there may be lifelong detrimental effects of arguing in front of the children; as much as possible, ensure that your children are not exposed to this.
The truth ...
The only truth your children need to know is that you love them, will protect them and will always care for them.